If a window of opportunity appears, don't pull down the shade.

I wasn't anything special as a father. But I loved them and they knew it.

You know, my friends, with what a brave carouse I made a Second Marriage in my house; favored old barren reason from my bed, and took the daughter of the vine to spouse.

On Sunday morning, I'm not nervous... I can't wait to tell what God wants me to say.

This is the final test of a gentleman: his respect for those who can be of no possible value to him.

Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you.

Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own... Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy.

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

My mom makes something called green pie, which I thought was a delicacy that many people only had at Thanksgiving, but it turns out it was just Jell-O with whipped cream on it. And it's delicious.

Success is falling nine times and getting up ten.

I would say my greatest achievement in life right now - my greatest achievement period is - and I'm still trying to achieve it - is to be a wonderful father to my kids.

Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew people together through the years.

My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.

The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it.

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious.

Mystery creates wonder and wonder is the basis of man's desire to understand.

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

If you have God on your side, everything becomes clear.

Rank does not confer privilege or give power. It imposes responsibility.

Knowledge will forever govern ignorance; and a people who mean to be their own governors must arm themselves with the power which knowledge gives.

The secret of a happy marriage is finding the right person. You know they're right if you love to be with them all the time.

I get up every morning and it's going to be a great day. You never know when it's going to be over so I refuse to have a bad day.

The key to a happy marriage is myself being absent for long periods of time. My wife Leesa and I will celebrate our tenth wedding anniversary next year, but if my comedy gigs petered out and I was around the house more, we'd 100% be getting divorced.