Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!

A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'

It doesn't matter how many times the audience has heard it before. If it's funny, it's funny.

Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'