If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

There's a difference between being a comic and a comedian. A comic is a guy who says funny things, and a comedian is a guy who says things funny, and he has a style and point of view that will last much longer.

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

Money can't buy you happiness, but it helps you look for it in a lot more places.