I don't eat two days a week. And people are fascinated by it, but it works. If you cut two days of food out of your life you will lose weight.

Almost half our representatives in Washington apparently know more about science than our scientists. Or they pretend to, because big corporations give them a lot of money to make sure they can keep doing the destructive things that they do.

The truth is, we have this idea that late night is about creativity and being cool, but that's not our job. Our job is to get as many people watching the commercials in between our show. That's the reality of it.

That's my main flaw: I always think authority figures or my boss is going to think something I do is funny. And usually they don't.

I have had a lot of experience in broadcasting.

That's my main flaw: I always think authority figures or my boss is going to think something I do is funny. And usually they don't.

It's funny how all of this has worked out - I wasn't popular in high school, but now every drunken guy in the United States wants to be my pal. They all want to buy me a shot, and pretty soon I'm throwing up.

It is kind of funny that the people who don't think Hillary Clinton is fit and healthy enough to be president are so worried that Hillary Clinton is fit and healthy enough to be president.