It's interesting: when your wife is pregnant and you're expecting, everyone's like, 'It's incredible. Get ready. It's magic. It's the most life-changing experience you'll ever have. Brace yourself for heaven.' And then the second the baby comes, everyone's like, 'Welcome to hell! Ha ha ha! You fool!'

You are graduating from college. That means that this is the first day of the last day of your life. No, that's wrong. This is the last day of the first day of school. Nope, that's worse. This is a day.

You are graduating from college. That means that this is the first day of the last day of your life. No, that's wrong. This is the last day of the first day of school. Nope, that's worse. This is a day.