It doesn't take many people to have a bad sense of humor to get in trouble at a corporation.

Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge.

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks.

Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.

The best things in life are silly.

Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.

We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings.

The only risk of failure is promotion.

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?

Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.

If your goal is to lose 10 pounds, you may wake up each day with failure in mind because the goal is hard to reach, and you are progressing only by small amounts. It takes up all your willpower. I recommend that instead of a goal, you have a system.

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?

There's kind of a toll you have to pay with a cat; if you don't pet her for 10 minutes she'll bother you for six hours.