A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.

Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.

The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.

Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.

Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet.

Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.

Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.

Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.

Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.

If you can laugh together, you can work together.