Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.