Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are your ready?'

Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

People thought I was funny, so I kind of took entertaining for granted... it was inevitable that I'd start giving little performances.

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.