It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

I love being a dad. I just love it.

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'

Nobody enjoys the 'little show about nothing' humor more than me, but that is never the way I look at it.

Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.

I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.

To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.

We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.