We're all screwed up. And the way Christians mess things up is we act like we've got it going on. And if we would just stay in that place of, 'Hey, we're all screwed up and but for the grace of God, none of us have a shot here.' We need to have a sense of humor about it; that's kind of the way I've always faced my comedy.

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.

My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!

I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument.

You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.